SOUTH LAKE TAHOE
WOMEN'S CENTER
1977 - 2007
Celebrating
30 Years of Service in Our Community
IF YOU ARE IN DANGER
DIAL 911
24-HOUR CRISIS LINE
(530) 544-4444
EFFECTS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ON CHILDREN
1. Perpetuation of violence over generations: Children learn to repeat what they see their parents do. 80% of battering men grew up in violent homes, and 50% of battered women did. Girls grow up expecting to be hit while boys grow up feeling it is okay to abuse your wife.
2. Modeling: Studies show that boys in violent homes tend to be very aggressive and act out of anger and violence. Teenage daughters in these families tend to be clingy and dependent.
3. Low self-esteem: A chaotic home life in which one’s parents are physically abusing each other and there is constant fighting is very undermining of a child’s self-esteem. He or she may blame himself or herself as being responsible for the problems. It is unlikely that the child is getting the necessary emotional support from either parent to ensure healthy ego development. The abusers (often fathers) are unpredictable, and the victims (often mothers) often withdraw emotionally in self-protection.
4. Child abuse: In approximately half of these families, the children are physically abused in addition to the marital violence. However, the children are victims of emotional abuse, regardless of whether or not they have been hit.
5. Excessive responsibility: These children often have to “parent” their mothers or fathers, or take responsibility for younger siblings. They are often robbed of “normal” childhoods.
6. Shame and isolation: Children in these families are rarely able to tell anyone what is going on at their home. They are embarrassed and ashamed. Furthermore, it is often difficult to bring friends home for fear of what may be happening. This increases the isolation which the family already, in all likelihood, is experiencing as a unit.
7. Inconsistency and chaos: The abuser is a “Jekyll-Hyde” character, changing from one moment to the next – sometimes being very kind, loving and warm, at other times being irrational, crazy and violent. Victims, too, may vary according to the treatment by the abuser. These changes and unpredictability take their toll on the child’s developing mental health.
8. Incest: We don’t yet have reliable statistics to support this, but anecdotal evidence from battered women’s shelters throughout the country indicates a substantial number of families in which there is not only spousal abuse but incest as well.
DID YOU KNOW... DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RUNS IN A CYCLE?
The Cycle of Violence
Tension Building Stage
You can feel the tension. You feel like you're "walking on eggshells," like an abusive episode can happen at any time. The unpredictability of your partner and the situation may feel even worse than the actual abuse.
Explosive Stage
You may experience intense emotional, verbal and physical abuse. The tension can erupt at any moment. You might feel like it is best to just "trigger" the explosion and "get it over with" so you can move to the False Honeymoon Stage.
False Honeymoon Stage
Your partner may say "I'm sorry," or "It won't happen again." Your partner may claim the drugs or alcohol made him / her act this way. You may be blamed for the abuse or be told that you "provoked" your partner. You may feel confused and overwhelmed. Reconciliation may occur, but the cycle will continue all over again.